Honestly I have 2 places that I call "home." Where I feel most loved, most accepted, and most wanted. Where I KNOW I'm surrounded by people that care and love me.
One of those places is at the Stadium. It's heckuv a cliche but I don't even care, some people there just make me feel like I am worth something, unlike how I feel at home. Me and my friend Addie were talking about it and we've never felt so much love from one place. We just feel like we belong, and we don't feel that with our parents who call us mistakes and don't want us. Man, i just love calvary so much.. ALOT of people there hate me but you know I really don't care. The FEW people that care love me so much it just fills in that hatred. :] I love it, I love JESUS!
And then my second home. More like my first. My MOST IMPORTANT. Is a place I like to call the GARCIAZ! Ughh, this family they just love me unconditionally. They make me feel soooooooooo uncontrolably like something! I can't even explain it bluh. I love my mom and my dad, they tell me I'm there favorite, and just the little things they do, they make me feel so important. I just love them I want to live there. And then taquita, my brother in law. He's beautiful He's my BESTFIRNEDDDDD everr. seriously I'm not just saying that I'm SERIOUS. Haha, he loves when I text seriously. So seriously! I do love him soo much he doesn't even see. And then Rachel my little sister she's so cute. She can be a brat and I don't care shoot. And then Joshuaaa, my pues? Idk he's just too much. No lie. I love you guys. Seriously. Your home is mine so get my own drank and sleep with da hynaz.

I love life, you guys. <3

so this is basically just a continuation of my last entry... since i have so much time on my hands...
so i'm still INCREDIBLY bummed about wednesday night. yehh. we were backstage and this was BEFORE our dance performance. and i just got kinda upset cuz she kept pointing out mehh flaws and i just can NOT take it anymore. it seems like she just has so much pride that she has to judge everyone else. and i love her to death, i really do- but she acts, or 'trys' to act like that perfect women of god. the PERFECT one. and maybe she expects me to be her 'perfect little mentoree'. EVERYONE EXPECTS THAT FROM ME! they expect me to be happy and smiley and it's all bull. it really is. like, CAN I EVER JUST BE ME? seriously? like, let me breathe! let me be! seriously. like, can you please just SHUTUP for one second?!?!!?! Jeesh... like, i get it! i do. i make mistakes. i understand that. but you do too! and you don't even admit to your own and that's sad because i really want to open up to you and be honest with you, but i can't because you always want me to be that PERFECT MENTOREE! and it's hard! it is. like, wake up! i'm never going to be what you want me to be. i am so far away from that person! ughh...I still deal with temptations. you have no idea! every morning i wake up, i have that URGE to go back to the way things used to be. not totally, but parts of my past seem unresistable. like, CUTTING. of course, it's something i haven't done in a while and NEVER will again, but i still get tempted! and i still make mistakes! and it's INCREDIBLY SAD that i'm sitting her typing my feelings in this journal instead of going to YOU in person to tell YOU! doesn't that make you feel horrible? cuz it should dood... i guess it makes me a wimp or CHICKEN to type how i feel right hurr instead of coming to you about it, but that's only because i feel distant from you! and you are supposed to help me, not tell me everything i've done wrong! you make me feel so OUT OF PLACE! uggghh... you have no idea how i feel. don't even try to relate to me. cuz you can't! because you apparantly "have it all together". ughh... seriously dood. i thought i felt lonely before. now i really feel lonely. you said you were there for me! and i believed you! i took a risk and believed you and let you in! and i don't do that for a lot of people... but i did for you, and all you do is point out my flaws. you see my falls, fails, and mistakes and it's like you're BLIND to my accomplishments! i've come a LONG way! i honestly have, and I REALIZE IT! but you don't! i am NOLONGER that stereotype of "the depressed girl who cuts'. NOW, everyone knows me as "happidy-doo maegen'. you'de think that would make it easier, but really it just makes me feel like people expect so much of me because i'm INVOLVED IN CHURCH, DANCE, LEADERSHIP, bleh bleh blehhhhh!!! i still deal with stuff! ugh i'm so pissed you don't even understand. i'm honestly NOT trying to throw mehhself a pity party hurr, but i just wish SOMEONE,ANYONE would get me! understand me! doooodd......

So. im at the house alll by myself besides my sister. but im just making her stay in her room i have five hours to do anything i want. lets hope i use it for good, like i want to clean the whole house and just have it ready for my parents soo when they come home i can get an xbox lol i really want one sooo bad. and i wanna read my bible and worship but i hope i do that and then i wanna run on my tredmill. and maybe take a shower.

so ive noticed alot that i like sleeping because i have stuff going on in my stupid head its really confusing me. like nothing but just life, freinds, family, my birthday. i sleep just to think about all of that stuff. its better than talkign about it to someone. As of right now i dont thinik i have a mentor, well i have one but i  dont think he knows im his mentoree so i dont wanna intrude. i dont think ive writeen about summer school. well im in summer school and this week was our second week it really seems like forever! i dont like it six hours with the same people and one twenty minute break which they ring the bell five minutes early. 

))**~DeY HEcKKa HatE meH!~**((

you you are still confusing me. One of these days ill be able to figure you out im trying as hard as i can. and its kindof working. im gettting there. but this process is going by really slow please speed it up.

So dis lil star is back with pues freind, the pues freinds are back and yeah. im really bored i didnt want this to turn out like a blog but i guess it is. its really annoying me right now. anways. 

when im eighteen im getting a rangerover im not lying im being serious no more shabootsie sorry josh.